Taking a moment

I am working on spreadsheets at the moment. At work of course. Mind numbing is the work that pops up when working on such spreadsheets. Mind. Numbing.

Contemplating my life while working on said spreadsheets, I need more. Of not just one thing in particular, there are many aspects where, thinking about it, I just need more.

Sigh

I keep a journal of sorts on my desk at work. Any time I do something out of the ordinary or of importance I write it down, by date, and sometimes colour-coded. I also keep every email and document that passes me by, all organized in specific, easily searchable folders. I learned many years ago to "cover my ass", hence my uber-organization at work. And it has paid off. What brings this up is that today I reached over, pulled my journal/notepad towards me, picked up my trusty (and occasionally disappearing) pen, and on a new line wrote "rubbed temples". People at work sometimes baffle me so much that I need to express in writing my exasperation.

To remedy this I am going to go for lunch. There is a little place in Chinatown called "Veggie House". It is a small little stand that I recently discovered with the help of Swerve magazine. The meals are very good and usually provide me with two lunches. I could eat the whole thing in one sitting, but then I am left insanely stuffed and regretting such a delicious decision (only made this mistake once). And, being one who enjoys new experience, if anyone else knows of more vegetarian restaurants in Calgary that I may not have found, by all means please pass on your knowledge :)

Odd thought

I'm sitting at my computer. I'm cold (the computer is in the basement), tired, bored, it's very snowy and cold outside, and my boyfriend is still at work so I have no one to bug. I find it odd that my first thought is "I should go to the gym". So that is what I am doing. It has been awhile since I've gone. I opted out of using the gym at our resort and instead took many, many long walk along the beach in the shoreline. Which is exercise enough when the water rushing in tries to knock you over constantly :)

Odd feelings

At this moment I feel anxious, and my stomach is knotting up. I have no idea why. Overall I do not feel less of a zombie today than I did when I last posted. But all of a sudden I feel anxious. My best theory is that I have so much on my mind and so many things that I need to accomplish that, even though on the outside I feel in control and on track, a little part of me deep down inside is freaking out. Not only about the menial things I need to accomplish, but about me. My life decisions. Lately I've been greatly reconsidering my life. Where am I going, what am I doing, what do I want to do, where do I want to be, why can't I figure any of this out, did I make the right decision, can I change things, why am I so afraid..... and so on and so on.

Besides my inward freaking out and constant questioning, this weekend should be enjoyable. I've finally started going back to the gym and I am overjoyed. I actually love going to the gym. I thought it would take awhile for me to fall back into it, but after one session with the fitness instructor (I get three sessions at the start of the membership) I really just want to ditch her and dive right in. Almost two years ago I stopped going to the gym, started a desk job, and started dating a wonderful man who feeds me well. All this happened pretty much the same time and I am not afraid to admit that I have gained 30 pounds since the summer of 2007. So I am now pretty much the same if not heavier than I was in high school. I definitely do carry it better though than in high school, and manage to still look damn sexy doing so ;)

Alas, it is time to fit back into my little dresses and my skirts, how I miss them so. So tonight I have session 2 with the instructor and tomorrow morning when my man leaves for work I will go in for a solo session before I begin my ritual Saturday cleaning. On Sunday hopefully we can head over to Nellie's (no kitchen still so might as well go out :D ), then a long walk as the weather will be nice, and the Health Fair will be stuck into those plans at some point this weekend. Should be a very full and yet relaxed weekend :)

Tuesday Randoms

I hate voicemail!!! Well, I like it but I usually sound like a babbling idiot when I leave a message.

Today I do not feel so great. I'm feeling very light headed, tired, and completely out of it. Makes working fun :) Frankly I feel like a zombie, which is the reason I have "Living Dead Girl" stuck in my head. My mind may not be functioning at the moment, but at least it picked a good song.

I made pizza last night and managed not to burn it on the BBQ (go me!). It was a great supper and will also make a good lunch.

As well I got rooked into finally getting back to a gym last night. It's a women's gym with a pretty good layout. And the advanced/free weights area seems very unused which is perfect for me. It was a good deal but I do feel bad since I wanted to join a gym with my boyfriend. But I am tired of waiting for him to decide (one week it's yes, the next it's no, then yes, then no.....). So I figured, most of this membership is going to be written off by work anyways, so I can get us the x30 passes for the community center as well and we can go together when he does finally have time.

Right, now I'm hungry. Time to warm up the pizza :)

Afterthought: Where did January go? Really, this year is just flying by.

Unusual "friend"

I have a friend on Facebook whom I have never met. Actually I think he has no idea who I am, especially since he has over 2000 friends. He requested me to add him quite awhile ago and the only reason I added him was because he is a chef. From Ireland, he is a well travelled chef who has a website, with a friend, that provides online video recipes and cooking tutorials. I'm sure I was added just to plug his website and help further his career, but hey who am I to complain. He is very charismatic and provides many delicious recipes with a love for the food that can only be expressed by a real chef. Yay food!!!

I reached over and found.....

Nothing. The wee buggers are stealing my bookends now. WTF? I do not have many left and do not want to be ordering more anytime soon. They are actually not cheap (according to our ordering catalogue) and really?? Go ask purchasing for your own!! The tax library is not a free-for-all!! Oh, some people's children......

Home for now

We're back from the west coast. I miss the west coast. I so adore the west coast. One day I'll return, most likely this summer. As for now I have to pay off my trip expenses and focus on reality. Coming home to a very busy, deadline filled work schedule, extreem tiredness, snow snow snow and cold weather, does not help ease my longing for the west coast.

Sigh.....

It's a little grey outside.....

Yay me! Tomorrow will be my birthday. And I wish I could remember that. I've been forgetting what tomorrow is, but mind you my mind is not even focused on that.

As I type this I have confiscated my boyfriend's relative's computer. In Surrey. And I'm not sure but I really hope the rain/snow has stopped. We are gathered here to attend my boyfriend's father's funeral tomorrow. He passed away 2 minuted before midnight on New Year's Eve. I never knew him well, only meeting him twice in the past. But I wanted to be here for him and mostly for my boyfriend. I have also received the chance to meet all the sibling's finally. They are rather nice people and I am happy to be a part of this group.

Yes, I realize that I will be spending my birthday at a funeral, but it does not bother me. I'm happy to be here for this family. This event comes before me and I am fine to have all focus situated on the passing of the father Wolfe.

The only thing that does slightly bum me is that I am not going to be able to visit any friends while I am out here. I am here to spend time with the family and I do not even have a vehicle to get around in. There will be other times, I love the west coast and will be back, but I still would be so happy if I could see my own friends.

Something cheering though is that this family is a big game playing family. And I am now off to watch some Killer Bunnies :)

New Beginnings

As we ring in a new year I feel that I should finally start posting again. Due to my lack of time, organization, and overall lack of interest, I stopped posting online and focused instead on directing my complaints to certain people. Now I have an urge again to talk openly with those of the online world. Whoever you may be, as I am not sure if anyone looks at this page anymore. But new year, new beginnings, new blog.... it's just time to start this up again.

It is in fact January 1st and a new year sits before us. I am completely curious as to what is going to happen in the 365 days of 2009. The last couple of years have been very active and full of emotions, gains, losses, and knowledge.

2007 was what I considered a year of loss. I lost yet another home, a bad relationship that was in desperate need of an end, and many friends who I miss as some were like family. I lost several lives with the passing of my wonderful great-grandmother and some close family friends. And of course the loss of my VW, whose current owner has finally sent it to the scrap yard. I also lost trust and faith in many things, including myself. I was unsure of who I was and what exactly I was doing with my life. There of course were gains, such as my current wonderful boyfriend and finding out who I was again, but I found 2007 to be more of loss and letting go.

2008 was a year of gains. I gained a new car, a new house with mortgage payments (not rent, big yay!), new friends, new appreciation for myself and where I am in life. And I managed to get out of the debt that my past relationship and so-called friends left me in. Of course that led to more material items and focusing on my wellbeing. It's great being in the black (which is not true at this moment due to Christmas and some major purchases, but give it a few weeks :). Sadly the year ended with a loss, and my great condolences to the family. But overall it was a renewing year.

So bring on 2009! Let's see what you've got in store for me this year!

Oh, and I will be playing around with the layout for a bit until I am satisfied, so the name and look may change often.