Odd feelings

At this moment I feel anxious, and my stomach is knotting up. I have no idea why. Overall I do not feel less of a zombie today than I did when I last posted. But all of a sudden I feel anxious. My best theory is that I have so much on my mind and so many things that I need to accomplish that, even though on the outside I feel in control and on track, a little part of me deep down inside is freaking out. Not only about the menial things I need to accomplish, but about me. My life decisions. Lately I've been greatly reconsidering my life. Where am I going, what am I doing, what do I want to do, where do I want to be, why can't I figure any of this out, did I make the right decision, can I change things, why am I so afraid..... and so on and so on.

Besides my inward freaking out and constant questioning, this weekend should be enjoyable. I've finally started going back to the gym and I am overjoyed. I actually love going to the gym. I thought it would take awhile for me to fall back into it, but after one session with the fitness instructor (I get three sessions at the start of the membership) I really just want to ditch her and dive right in. Almost two years ago I stopped going to the gym, started a desk job, and started dating a wonderful man who feeds me well. All this happened pretty much the same time and I am not afraid to admit that I have gained 30 pounds since the summer of 2007. So I am now pretty much the same if not heavier than I was in high school. I definitely do carry it better though than in high school, and manage to still look damn sexy doing so ;)

Alas, it is time to fit back into my little dresses and my skirts, how I miss them so. So tonight I have session 2 with the instructor and tomorrow morning when my man leaves for work I will go in for a solo session before I begin my ritual Saturday cleaning. On Sunday hopefully we can head over to Nellie's (no kitchen still so might as well go out :D ), then a long walk as the weather will be nice, and the Health Fair will be stuck into those plans at some point this weekend. Should be a very full and yet relaxed weekend :)